Jokes for Kids 1

Jokes for Kids 1 - CHUYỆN CƯỜI THIẾU NHI 1
Collected&translated by HANH-HIEN

	Church minister: Do you say a little prayer before you sit down to eat your meals? Little boy: There’s no need for that, my mum’s a great cook!
	A guide was showing an old lady round a zoo. "Here we have a native of Australia," he said, taking her to the kangaroo's cage. "Goodness," the old lady replied in shock. "My grand-daughter's married one of those!"
	Rina: How many children have you got? Ameena: Two boys and a girl. Rina: That's three altogether. Ameena: No - one at a time!
	Pawan: What would you like to drink? Shikha: Ale, please. Pawan: Pale? Shikha: Oh, no, a glass is enough!
	Customer: Do you call this a full meal? You served me twice as much yesterday. Waitress: Where did you sit yesterday? Customer: By the window. Waitress: Oh, that's why. We do that for advertising purposes - it gives people passing by the impression that this is a good restaurant!
	Gappu: Ha, ha! Nippi: What's so funny? Gappu: Well, I was thinking ... Nippi: Yes, you're right - that is funny!
	Ronit: Do you want to come to a party tonight? Rajat: I can't. I'm going to see Romeo and Juliet. Ronit: Well, bring them along as well!
	Monica: Has your sister had her baby yet? Ruchika: Yes, she sent me an e-mail, but she didn't say whether it was a boy or a girl, so I don't know whether I'm an aunt or an uncle!
	Mother: Now, Dhruv, when you go for dinner at Parth's house, use your knife and fork properly. Dhruv: Mummy, is it necessary that I use a knife and fork? Mother: Of course you must! Dhruv: But the soup will never stay on them!
	Jai: I've got such a bad headache. Nitya: I know why. Jai: Why? Nitya: Well, yesterday when I had stomach ache, mummy said it was because it was empty, so I guess that's the problem with you too!

	Father to son: If I give you two cats and four dogs, how many animals would you have? Son: Nine, dad. Father: How will you get nine? Son: Have you forgotton we already have a turtle, rabbit and a parrot!
	Rahul: Do you know which queen had the largest crown? Varun: Of course I do. Rahul: Then tell me who? Varun: The one with the largest head!
	Parul: How did you get that black eye? Pranav: The manager at that new restaurant punched me. Parul: But, why? Pranav: I told him his reataurant was a good place to eat dirt cheap - he thought I was insulting his food!
	Teacher: Your handwriting is dreadful, Kamal. You must learn to write better. Kamal: If I did, you'd find out my spelling was dreadful too!
	In one scene of a film, an actor had to act out a death scene, but the director wasn't happy with the way he was doing it. "Come on," cried the impatient director. "It's supposed to be dramatic - put more life into your dying!"
	Geet: What position do you think I play in the football team? Lalit: I don't know. Geet: Left back. Lalit: What- left back in the dressing room?
	Come on, Surabhi, eat your spinach- it'll put colour in your cheeks. But I don't want green cheeks!
	Neighbour: Do you say your prayers every night, Rahul? Rahul: Not every night, sometimes there's nothing I want!
	Father to six year old son: A big boy like you shouldn't be afraid of the dark! Son: That's easy for you to say...you've got mum to look after you!
	Boy: My grandad is still living at 103. Man: Amazing, 103 years old! Boy: No, 103 High Street!

	- Can you name the three most important inventions that helped man get up in the world? - Elevator, escalator and alarm clock!
	Two school children were talking at breaktime: Mehul: The clock fell off the wall in class this morning. If it had fallen a moment sooner, it would have hit Miss Pringle on the head.
	Mum: Come on, Bunty, eat your breakfast and get off to school. Bunty: I don't want to go to school. Mum: You must go. Bunty: But I don't want to go. The teachers don't like me, the children don't like me - even the caretaker doesn't like me. Mum: That may be so, but you still have to go. Bunty: Why? Mum: Because you're the headmaster!
	Anand: Calculators are a man's best friend. Jay: Why? Anand: You can always count on them!
	Doctor to patient: You're suffering from loss of memory. My fee is Rupees 50 - in advance!
	- What did the boy bat say to the girl bat? - I'm absolutely bats about you!
	Nippy: I was in hot water last night. Annu: It does you good to have a bath occasionally!
	First dog: I ate a roll of movie film for my lunch. Second dog: Did you like it? First dog: No, it had a sad ending!
	Joan: Daddy, Father Conran says we are here to help others. Father: Indeed we are. Joan: Then what are the others here for?
	School Doctor: Do you ever have trouble with your nose or ears? Little girl: Yes, they get in the way when I take my jumper off!

	Gajram: How did you like the parrot I sent you? Sompal: It was delicious. Gajram: You mean you ate it? I paid 500 rupees for that parrot, and it spoke seven different languages! Sompal: Then why didn't it say anything when I put it in the oven?
	"Help, Help. My baby's fallen down the well." "Hold on. Here's a copy of Dr. Spock." "What good's that?"
	Landlady: I charge Rs.100 a night, Rs.50, if you make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own bed. Landlady: Hang on. I'll get you a hammer and nails.
	- Where did Dr. Jekyll find his best friend? - In Hyde Park.
	When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid-afternoon, she worried about her seven-year old daughter who would be walking the 3 blocks from school to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed. Glimpsing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining enthusiastically, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!"
	Charlie: Mom, remember how you always worried that I'd break your best teacups if I played with them? Mom: Yes, I remember. Charlie: Well, your worries are over.
	"Aren't you the brave young man who tried to save my son from drowning when he broke through the ice?" "Yes I am." "Well, what did you do with his mittens?"
	A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that?" his mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom!"
	- How did the firefly feel after flying into the fan? - He felt de-lighted!
	- What happens when it rains cats and dogs? - You step on a poodle!

	- What did the math book say to the story book? - I have lots of problems!
	- What kind of a car does an egg drive? - A Yolkswagon!
	- What kind of bees do you find in a graveyard? - Zom-bees!
	John is teaching his parrot to talk. "Repeat after me: 'I can walk.'" "I can walk." "I can talk." "I can talk." "I can fly." "That's a lie."
	Baby Camel: Mum, why do we have such a huge hump? Mum Camel: They're for storing fat out in the desert. Baby Camel: Why do we have hooves, then? Mum Camel: So our feet don't sink into the hot sand. A moment later... Baby Camel: Right. So why do we have all this stuff if we live in the London Zoo?
	"I have read your essay about your house," scowled the professor, "and it's exactly the same as your brother's from last year." "Of course," says the student, "It's the same house."
	"Give me a sentence about a public servant", said the mother helping at home. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The mother took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure", said the young kid confidently. "It means 'carrying a child'."
	A panicked passenger in the Titanic: Captain, How far is the way to the nearest land? Captain: Two Miles. Passenger: In which direction? Captain: Towards bottom!
	At the recent Olympics, a man was walking throught the Olympic villiage carrying a long pole. A reporter came up to him and asked "Are you a pole vaulter?" The man replied, "No, I'm a German, but how did you know my name was Walter?"
	Secretary: I'm afraid the manager won't be able to see you today. Salesman: Then I'm the very man he wants-I sell spectacles.