Jokes for Kids 2 - Truyện cười Thiếu nhi 2

Jokes for Kids 2 - Truyện cười Thiếu nhi 2
Collected & translated by HANH-HIEN

	Teacher to pupil: Why are you only wearing one glove? Pupil: Because the weather forecast said, "It might be cold, but on the other hand it might be hot"! Cô giáo: Tại sao em chỉ mang có một chiếc găng tay thôi? Học sinh: Bởi vì dự báo thời tiết nói rằng: "Trời có thể lạnh nhưng ngược lại trời cũng có thể nóng"! Chú thích: Chơi chữ (play on words) on the other hand nghĩa đen là trên tay kia, nghĩa bóng là ngược lại.
	Greengrocer: Aren't these apples lovely and rosy? Customer: They're probably blushing at the price!
	Sanju: My brother walked over water the other day. Salil: How? Sanju: He used the bridge.
	"Is ink very expensive, Dad?" "No, son, what makes you ask that?" "Well, I spilt some on the lounge carpet, and Mum is quite upset about it!"
	Arvind: How do you manage to catch fish at night? Tanuj: Easy, I use glow-worms for bait.
	Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a bell. Doctor: Go home, and I'll give you a ring later.
	Husband: This meal's half cold. Wife: Well, eat the half that's hot!
	Teacher: There is no difficulty in the world we cannot overcome. Pupil: Have you ever tried squeezing the toothpaste back into the tube, Sir?
	Pinku: My dad says I've got to go out and earn my bread and butter. Vaibhav: What are you going to do? Pinku: I'm going on a sandwich course!

	Lady: Your boots look quite worn out. Tramp: Worn out? Why, the soles are so thin I can step on a penny and tell if it's heads or tails!
	Teacher: If we breathe oxygen in the daytime, what do we breathe at night? Pupil: Nitrogen?
	Teacher: Why are you so late? Boy: I dreamt that I was at a football match and it ran into extra time, so I had to stay to the end.
	Man: I hate paying taxes. Lady: A good citizen should pay his taxes with a smile. Man: I tried that but they insisted on money!
	Girl: That cow is a lovely colour. Farmer: Yes, it's a Jersey. Girl: Oh, I thought it was its skin!
	Old Sailor: Once, when I was shipwrecked, I had to live for a week on a tin of sardines. Young sailor: Weren't you afraid of falling off?
	Gaurav: I'm reading a very stirring book at the moment. Ravi: Oh, what's that? Gaurav: A cookery book!
	Man in hotel room: I think I'll take a shower. Wife: But we've already got one at home!
	Bhawana: My Dad beats me every morning. Rakhi: Oh, no, why does he do that? Bhawana: He gets up at 7 am and I get up at 8 am!
	Ritesh: It's gone very quiet in the lounge. Saket: Yes, I think Amit must have told a joke!

	Agent: So you're a four-piece band, are you? Musician: That's right, we only play four pieces!
	Meeta: My auntie thinks I'm a piece of fruit. Nidhi: What makes you think that? Meeta: She keeps calling me the apple of her eye!
	Karan: What's the difference between a mouse and an elephant? Pranav: I don't know, what is the difference? Karan: Well, if you really can't tell, it's time you wore glasses!
	Little boy: My daddy's a Branch Manager. Old lady: Really? What kind of firm does he manage? Little boy: None. He looks after trees!
	Patient: I've had this bad cough all week and it still isn't any better! Doctor: Well, keep practicing!
	Karan: What's the best way to start the day? Parul: Do exercises? Karan: No. Parul: What then? Karan: Wake up!
	Patient: Oh, I'm really nervous about my heart operation. Surgeon: Don't worry, in all my experience as a heart surgeon, only one patient has died. Patient: How many patients have you operated on? Surgeon: You're my second.
	Rishi: Two from five equals one. Teacher: Now you know that's not right! Rishi: Yes, it is. Teacher: Give me an example. Rishi: The word 'alone' has five letters. Take the first two away, and you're left with 'one'!
	Aditi: Polu the painter is in trouble for signing his name on his work. Nitin: But painters always sign their drawings. Aditi: Drawings, yes, but not the wall of somebody's house!
	Esha: An apple comes under fruit, a cauliflower comes under vegetables, so what does an egg come under? Hema: A hen, what else?

	Teacher: Can I have your homework, Sumangal? Sumangal: I haven't got it, Miss. Teacher: What do you mean? Why haven't you got it? Sumangal: I made a paper plane out of it, and someone hijacked it!
	Kishor: Swimming is very slimming, you know. Kanika: You must be joking! When did you last see a slim duck on the village pond!
	Man: I need a holiday, the pressure is beginning to tell on me. Friend: Why, what's the matter? Man: Yesterday, when I got back to my office from having lunch, I'd left a notice on the door saving "Back in half an hour", so I sat and waited for myself!
	Diner: Waiter, I asked for a meat salad, there's no meat on here. Waiter: Yes, there is, sir, there are at least three caterpillars under your lettuce leaf!
	Ravi: Manoj, the doctor is here. Do you want to see him? Manoj: No! Tell him I'm not well.
	Nitya: My car has concealed headlights and an S-shaped radiator. Ashok: That's a pretty unusual car. Nitya: It wasn't until my son drove it!
	A worried passenger asked the ship's captain: Do ships this size sink often? The captain said: No madam, never more than once.
	Teacher : Why is the sky so high? Student: So that the birds don't bump their heads.
	A baby mouse saw a bat for the first time. He ran home yelling, "Mummy, mummy, I've just seen an angel."
	What did the pig say when the man got him by the tail? "That's the end of me."

	What did the traffic light say to the driver? Don't look, I'm changing.
	Maya had just got a new telephone connection. But soon after the telephone had been installed, she called the telephone operator with a request. "Can you pull the telephone cord from your side. It's a bit too long at my end."
	Manoj: "I always see you with a middle parting in your hair? Can you tell me why?" Mayank: "So that I can keep an even balance while riding my bicycle."
	Akshay: "Can you tell me where a sheep gets its hair cut?" Soumya: " I know -- at the baa-baa saloon."
	Anshu: "Doctor, I always feel dizzy for half an hour after getting up in the morning." Doctor: "Why don't you try getting up half an hour late?"
	Shruti: "What did the hotel manager say to the elephant when he could not pay his bill? Mehgna: He said, "Pack your trunk and get out."
	Did you hear about the little boy whose nose was 11 inches long? He was worried that if it grew any longer, it would turn into a foot.
	Subramaniam: "How much after midnight is it?" Venkatesh: "I don't know, my watch only goes as high as 12."
	Teacher: "All those who wish to go to heaven, put your hands up." All the children put up their hands except for Sharanya. Teacher: "Sharanya, don't you want to go heaven?" Sharanya: "Well, Miss, my mum said I had to go straight home after school."
	Mitra: Why is your dog running around in circles? Chitra: He's a watchdog. He's winding himself.